Why hog roasts would lead to world peace

Yeah I know I’m already off to a loser on this article with the acknowledgement that neither Jews nor Muslims eat pork......but at least hear me out as I make my argument in as poetic a way as possible. I’ve been to three weddings in the last 6 weeks where there has been a hog roast and was at a Béres Pork Shop in Sheffield yesterday (http://www.beresporkshop.co.uk/ - go to one. Seriously, stop reading this now and drive to Sheffield) so I can reassure that I have done thorough research and am sure of my conclusion – hog roasts will bring joy to anyone regardless of colour or creed.

You see, there is a special texture, a particular feel, a symphony of flavour with every bite of a hog roast pork roll. All five know forms of flavour exist within a pork roll, satisfying the every whim of your taste buds, bringing them a sense of fulfilling their very reason to exist through touching and absorbing the inspired combination of bread, pork, crackling, stuffing and apple sauce.

 

And each element compliments its comrades so well. The salty and thick slabs of pork, sliced from the side of a former Duke of the Sty, with crackling blobs of fat placed alongside. The bread bun, which, I love to imagine, was lovingly prepared by a baker using a stone oven and flour ground in a mill next door. The apple sauce, the fruit of Eden yet, one can dream, taken from the crop of a nearby orchard, whose yearly harvest is always slightly harmed by the scrumping activities of cherry-cheeked schoolboys on their walks back home. And stuffing, an amalgam of bread, spelt, herbs and spices which when combined into a paste can drive any eater into spasms of delight.

 

It is my experience that a pork roll is a joy to consume and can bring paroxysms of ecstasy to the man who takes only one bite. To him who makes it to the end it feels as though he has climbed Mount Olympus and shared a banquet of ambrosia with the gods of the Ancients.  

 

So to my recently married friends who were so wise to include this culinary tour de force  in their special day, to Gray and Hannah, Dan and Becky and Paddy and Cam, I thank you and salute your wisdom and good taste. To those in Sheffield I urge you to spend all your money at your nearest Béres Pork Shop. And to all of us I say, the next time you eat a pork roll, take in every bite, every texture and sensation with every fibre of your being. Crucially, store up those feelings and memories for a bad day, for a time when the world seems a little dark and depressing, so that you can savour them and find buckets of joy. And if you read this and work at the UN (a highly likely scenario) pass some hog roast pork rolls around the General Assembly Hall and watch good feelings and camaraderie flourish. The world can thank me later.....

 

Debate is not warmly encouraged. I’m right, so there!

 

JJJ