Making job rejections easier

I've received a lot of rejection letters recently, so I just thought I'd mock one up to help anyone looking at my application and thinking of a way to turn me down. You can use either the bits in blue or the bits in red. Simply copy and paste and delete the bits that aren't necessary:

Dear Mr Summers

 

Many thanks for/Why did you waste our time with your application in response to our advertised employment opportunity/job/elf juggling competition.

 

The responses we have received have been of a high standard though you might as well stop reading now, it’s a no, meaning we are able to narrow down the list of applicants to just those who best meet our specifications/make tea better than you did on your work experience placement/are less incredible than you, as we wouldn’t be able to cope with your level of incredibleness permanently in our office. We will therefore not be meeting with you on this occasion/ever, you stink. Please do/don’t think of this as a reflection on your skills/background/looks/charm/wit/ability to recite ‘A Christmas Carol’ from memory, but rather an indication of the specific criteria we are looking for/our opinion of you - seriously, you make TERRIBLE cups of tea. This only reflects the wider difficulties in the job market during the current economic crisis/that there are hundreds of applicants for every job you’re applying for (P.S. we just thought we’d remind you in this rejection just how hard it is to get a job at the moment).

 

We cannot offer individual feedback to unsuccessful applicants due to the high number of submissions for this job opportunity/ALL of the MANY applicants - remember, LOTS of applicants for just ONE job. I’m just saying I sure wouldn’t like to be you right now.

 

We do appreciate your interest in our company/other/elf juggling appreciation society and wish you every success for the future/good luck as you’re going to need it.

 

Yours/hugs and kisses/Ever your friend/sworn enemy

 

Name/Generic sign-off